As Overlord L’Orange
scrolled through his Twitter feed in the wee hours of Memorial Day morning, he
came across a meme of himself that read: “L’Orange lays a wreath at The Foot of
the Unknown Bone Spur”. There was a photo attached, showing L’Orange holding a
giant wreath, surrounded by military personnel.
L’Orange was confused;
had this already happened? No…he was sure he would remember it, especially
since he considered himself a stable genius. If this had actually happened, he
would most certainly remember it.
He thought it must be
an advertisement for a future speaking engagement. And how exciting that they
(meaning everyone else) were taking bone spurs seriously. It was about time
they gave him the respect that he deserved.
L’Orange contacted his
Press Secretary, and demanded that she find the location of this giant foot
immediately, so he could get proper photo ops with it (better than this grainy
meme) on Memorial Day – no time like the
present! He did have Air Force One at his disposal, after all, specifically
for situations such as this.
His Press Secretary
tried to explain to him that this was “Fake News”, whereupon L’Orange
exclaimed, “I’ll be the judge of that!”
then demanded, “Do you want to keep your job, or not?” For some unknown reason,
she did.
Since it was L’Orange’s
daughter’s turn to be in charge of the Unwed Mother’s Internment Camp in
Alabama, his Press Secretary had a little extra time to set this thing up, and
frankly she was looking forward to getting away from all those screaming
unwanted inbred babies for awhile and direct her energy toward doing something
she was a little more qualified to do than nurture and take care of
crack-addicted infants.
“Sarah!” L’Orange shouted. “I
want it now!”
“I’m on it, Sir!” Sarah
stammered.
The Overlord wondered
aloud why she hadn’t thought of this press opportunity sooner. “Why is it that
I always have to come up with the best ideas?” he opined.
L’Orange’s Press
Secretary managed to locate a giant foot sculpture at California Institute of
the Arts in Valencia, CA. She hastily contacted the university, but as it was
Memorial Day, the campus was closed.
“I don’t want to hear
any excuses!” the Overlord exclaimed. “Make it happen!”
“But, L’Orange, Sir…the
campus is closed for the holiday, and you’re still in Japan…”
“Don’t you think I know
where I am?” the Overlord exploded.
There was an
uncomfortable silence.
“Look,” L’Orange said,
“I’ll just have to leave a little early…this is tremendously important…it’s
like a ‘Déjà vu’.”
“A ‘Déjà vu’?”
“Yes, it’s like it’s
already happened, but it hasn’t happened yet. Or it’s happening again. Or it’s
about to happen. I don’t have time to explain everything to you all of the
time! Just make it happen now!”
“But L’Orange, even if
we make it to CalArts today, the campus is closed…there’s no one there.”
“Call the military in!”
growled L’Orange. “Do I have to think of
everything?!”
So the military was
called in, the President of the university was informed they’d be coming
(despite his adamant protests) and hasty goodbyes were exchanged with Shinzo
Abe, who was honestly glad to see him go.
The giant wreath was
provided by Santa Anita Park racetrack at the last minute, as there had been
very little winning there in several months, due to all the dying horses.
Upon seeing the giant wreath, the
Overlord slipped it over his own head and started prancing around like a pony.
“Look at me! Look at me!” He cried. “I’m a horsey! I’m a winning horsey!”
The paid extras (who were recruited from
Central Casting at the eleventh hour to form a “crowd” of people around
L’Orange) exchanged concerned glances with each other.
As it was dark by this point, the photos
did not turn out well — the only photographer available at such short notice on
a holiday weekend came directly from a children’s birthday party and didn’t
have the proper lighting equipment — so the original meme was used in the end,
credited to “Artist Unknown”.
