Rancho Tarzanadu: "Still the First Wave...Only Worse. Much Worse."

     Miss Linda needed her bong for this one. And a double Vodka with lemonade, with a splash of clementine-orange sparkling water.

     One of the spiritual practitioners that Miss Linda followed on Facebook recommended not drinking at all during this time, to be fully present to what was happening in the world. Miss Linda thought she was f*cking crazy, and stopped following her immediately. Honestly, if she felt much more, she was going to spontaneously combust. Her heart felt like it was literally breaking every single day. Breaking for herself, breaking for her friends and family, breaking for humanity in general. It was a f*cking lot. And if an evening cocktail (even if it was a double) could take the edge off slightly, Miss Linda was all for it. According to some of her Republican family members, it was the “End of Times” anyway, so might as well go out with a bang.

     Speaking of bangs, as if things weren’t edgy enough already, exploding fireworks were happening every single night. On the “Nextdoor Tarzana” app, people were constantly posting: “Were those gun shots?! Or fireworks?” Nine times out of ten, they were fireworks. Mixed in with the random gunshot and homicide. You just didn’t know. Like the Coronavirus itself, it could just be fireworks, or it could be a gunshot to the head…you just didn’t know.

     It was going to be an extra depressing holiday weekend, as all fireworks shows were prohibited by the government and cancelled, including the country club nearby (although excluding Overlord L’Orange’s invasion of the Lakota Sioux tribes’ land without their permission at Mt. Rushmore…apparently that fireworks show was okay).

     Miss Linda was suffering from White Privilege, even though she was unemployed with absolutely no job prospects at this particular juncture, and was learning how to cook pinto beans with cornbread, and attempting a Victory Garden in her backyard as a potential food source. One of her housemates (the German dog trainer…the housemate was German, not the dogs she trained) had built a chicken coop, so at least there would be future protein, if need be.

     A firework just shot off.

     Miss Linda took a hit off her bong, which was fortunately nearby.

     She had to admit…she was feeling pretty anxious, almost all of the time. Not that she was alone in this.

     She knew that she had it much better than most, even in her unemployed state, and of course this made her feel extremely guilty and even worse. She had a roof over her head (a beautiful one, thank the Universe!). She had plenty of pinto beans and cornbread to eat, and a soft (actually rather firm) bed to sleep in.

     The stories of other people haunted her. Like the man (she didn’t know his name) who worked in a cookie factory somewhere in the Midwest, because he needed the money. He caught Covid-19 and died. The woman telling his story on NPR said that he was making cookies for all the “elite” people to eat…and he died. People in the service industry have it rough. Miss Linda was a service worker, too, as a Massage Therapist. But instead of making cookies she was at home eating pinto beans and cornbread. Not everyone had that “luxury”, she knew. But as much as the Overlord was pushing people to “get back to work”, Miss Linda did not agree that it was worth dying for shoring up the economy. She was working on another plan…a better way.

     So many stories like the man at the cookie factory; one after the other, after the other.

     Miss Linda had her Apple AirPods in her ears constantly (purchased with her unemployment money), listening to the horror stories on NPR and hoping she didn’t get a brain tumor from all the 5G rays being pumped into her ear canals.

     Then she would be confronted by her conspiracy-theorist “friend” on Facebook, telling her that all of that nonsense was “fake news” propagated by the evil democratic pedophilia ring to twist the minds of Americans into thinking that they were sheep and mesmerizing them with black magick.

     This was the same “friend” that bragged about not wearing a mask in public places, because she knew so much more about how the system worked than anyone else. Her next post was about the “powerful energy of the upcoming full-moon lunar eclipse” which Miss Linda found perversely fascinating! That was the only reason she did not delete this “friend”: her posts were simultaneously contradicting and horrifying…it was hard to look away. Also, she posed for a photo in a wide-brimmed hat, holding a fluffy little white dog, looking very Southern-Belle plantation-owning, while professing her love of Overlord L’Orange, and how the media constantly screws him over for being such an asshole (Miss Linda added that last part). Her eyes looked vacant to Miss Linda. She looked like she didn’t actually believe all the sh*t she was spewing, but she kept spewing it, nonetheless. And, Miss Linda realized that this “friend” would say the exact same thing about her, only in a looking-glass mirror sort of way.

     Meanwhile, Overlord L’Orange was up to his old tricks, and more! As always, it was hard to keep up, because there was something more and more horrible every single day (thus the feeling of total devastation and heartbreak). This week sometime (it was terribly difficult at this point to tell which day it actually was…people were calling each day “Blursday”) he “re-tweeted” a video of a small parade somewhere in Florida in which a man in a golf cart rolls by shouting out “White Power!” The Overlord claims he did not hear that part, and posted the video anyway. Everyone knew exactly what he was doing (including himself). Except, apparently, Miss Linda’s “friend”, who thought he was a God-send. And certain members of her family who thought he was leading us into the “End of Times” which is somehow a good thing? All the more reason to not wear a mask…it would speed up the whole “Rapture” process. Miss Linda actually got so angry this week at a comment in her feed, that she wished the person a “beautiful Rapture experience”. Certain right-wing members of her family were sure that she was going straight to Hell in a handbasket for her blasphemy. Then again, she thought they were insane, so it all equaled itself out.

     The black void that awaits us all will do all the equaling out.

     This virus made people face their own mortality. If clinging to the idea of a “Rapture” made them feel better, why not just let them enjoy that? If a bong-lode and Vodka helped, why not enjoy that, as well?

     Miss Linda was done trying to live up to other people’s expectations. It was obviously a losing battle; every man, woman, and child for him or herself it seemed. Like The Strokes new song lyrics stated: “Everybody’s on the take…tell me are you on the take, too?”

     As the 4^th of July weekend approached, things were shutting down again in Los Angeles and around the country. Covid-19 cases were spiking, doubling in a matter of days. All of the sudden reopening of businesses, the protests (which were needed), Overlord L’Orange’s reckless advice and politicized example of not wearing a mask were all leading up to a complete unravelling of the efforts everyone (obviously not everyone) had put in previously quarantining themselves. It was getting worse. Much worse. Bars and restaurants were closed again after only a week of reopening. Miss Linda’s profession as a Massage Therapist seemed to have a very dim future. Beaches were shut down, and fireworks prohibited (although her extremely loud neighbors didn’t seem to receive that message from the Governor) except for the ones that were being shot off illegally, every single f*cking night.

     It was also revealed this week that the Overlord had “overlooked” a bounty being placed on American soldiers lives in Afghanistan, paid for by his Pupper-Master, Putin.

     And they called us “Communists” Miss Linda thought, as she took another toke.

     If she wasn’t so f*cking angry, she would be crying all the time.

     It was a lot.

     One thing that brightened her day, however was her friend Vhilm Namrets sharing a video with her in which it stated that the Overlord and his cronies utilized Chaos Magick to ger him elected, which explained a lot. In one of his rants, Vhilm wrote:

In the context of the video, Drumpf and his greed-fed, chaos-inducing presence is potentially just a Patsy to other dark forces – he doesn’t necessarily have the power, but groups can make him the conduit of their own energy-parasitism. The Alt (Ass)-Right, Q-Asinine,  Prosperity Evangelists, and other foreign interests are using multidimensional/layered logic chess, Red Herrings/Fake-outs, sigil-worship, and deflection-of-own-crimes-onto-others to hide their own nefarious deeds. WE have the power to resist by step #1: not letting the negativity affect our minds.

     Additionally, David Lynch was doing daily “weather reports” (literally) in the morning on KCRW. Which was comforting in a way, and totally destabilizing in another. It really did make you feel like you were a character in Twin Peaks. And we all know how that ended.

     Another firecracker exploded (!), this time in her horrendously loud neighbor’s back yard. The illegal sparks rained down on Miss Linda’s roof and backyard, scaring cats, dogs, chickens, and people. Miss Linda screamed out her window, at the top of her lungs: “Fuuuuuck! Assholes!” They continued on with their Covid-19 party, unperturbed.

     Another one of Miss Linda’s spiritual practitioners (Witches) said that screaming “F*ck” at the top of your lungs actually opened up the throat Chakra, so it was literally and act of self-care.

     Miss Linda rooted around for her leftover pain pills from her last dental surgery; she felt that popping them occasionally was also an act of self-care. And self-care during these trying times is extremely important, as we all know.