Hippie Canyon Vintage Voicings: What Should I Be for Halloween?

"What should I be for Halloween?" A phrase I've heard repeatedly for the last six weeks or so, ever since the beautiful vintage clothing store I work at has been turned into Halloween Hell. I complain about it every year, but I'm still here. I was never told in my job description that two months out of every year is like working at the zoo; that was sprung on me like a nanny who is called to a giant mansion on a hill, thinking she is only to be responsible for one child, and then it turns out that there's about eight or nine of them, but she's already stuck in the middle of nowhere, out on the moors somewhere, and has to stay and try to keep it together. Except in that story she probably ends up marrying the wealthy, lonely father and becoming the matron of the manor.

'Matron of the Manor' would be a good Halloween costume, for example. But the General Public has no imagination, generally speaking.

As the days drew closer to 'the big day', people became more and more frantic in their behavior and questioning, like the end of the world was drawing nigh.

"I don't know what to be!" they would exclaim. "Can you help me?"

I think, this is an existential question. The Great Void rearing its ugly head. Or maybe a question for a good psychoanalyst.

I tried not to fall into their trap of complacency.

"There must be something that you can think of, that you want to be," I would coax them. "There must be something that 'calls' to you...something you feel drawn to."

They would stare back at me with glassy eyes and a slack mouth. "I don't know what to be for Halloween!" they would say again, at a louder, frenzied pitch. "Can you help me?"

"Maybe you could try using your imagination?" I suggested to one teenage girl with a particularly Zombie-like demeanor.

"I don't have one," she responded.

This same girl brought a pair of thigh-high black high-heeled boots to the front counter, tossed them in my direction, and said "I found these...what can I be with these?"

"A hooker, obviously," I thought to myself, but was fortunately saved by a ringing telephone. I answered. "I don't know what to be for Halloween!" the person on the other end squealed. "Can you help me?"

"If you come in and look around, I'm sure you will find something to be," I told them. I would hope so.

People come to me in the store as if I were a psychic, or able to sum up their entire character in an instant. That I can tell them what to be, and they will accept my answer and be it.

One man walked in first thing in the morning, right when we opened. He was waiting outside when I pulled up in my car. I hadn't had my coffee, yet.

"I don't know what to be...what should I be?"

He followed me around the store, as I turned on lights, and drug the many racks of Halloween costumes outside onto the back patio, as I fed the fish in the fish tank and lit some incense. He was carrying a baby in his arms, and had a little girl with him.

I thought to myself, this guy's had two kids and he can't figure out what to be for Halloween. He wants me, a total stranger, to tell him what he should be.

"How about a Vampire?" I suggested. He shook his head no. "A Zombie? The Devil? A Gorilla? An Evil Surgeon? A Roman Emperor? A Police Officer? A Fireman? A Caveman? A Warlock?" I continued to make suggestions, and he continued to shake his head no.

He finally settled on the Gorilla costume. "Do you think it will be too hot and itchy?" He asked, hesitantly.

"Oh, no...I'm sure it will be fine," I told him. It was by far our hottest and itchiest costume. "All sales are final," I told him as he left.

People ask you what they should be for Halloween, but they themselves don't really want to know.