Why Are There so Many 'Life Coaches'?

Why

are there so many “Life Coaches”?

Scrambling over each other like crabs in a pot.

 

How

can your Botoxed lips inform my life?

 

I want to look away, but it’s nearly impossible;

transfixed by your train wreck.

 

You’re always here,

creeping around corners and sticking your head where it doesn’t belong.

 

You didn’t even go to an accredited university;

licensed from the back pages of a New Age Magazine.

 

Cry yourself to sleep — just leave me alone!

 

I have an actual therapist with a PhD,

and I don’t want to buy any of your crap “Masterclass” courses

even at discounted rates.

 

Get a real job!

 

Or be a legitimate out-of-work artist.

 

Just stop claiming that you can “fix” my life

when you obviously know nothing about anything.

 

Stop senselessly backflipping.

I almost feel sorry for you,

until I remember who you are:

 

Charlatan-huckster.

Grifting off other people’s pain.

 

Vampire-Zombies

in hoards, en masse.

 

Fix yourselves!