Sunday, April 17, 2022

Moon Images



I post Moon images
every two weeks...
it’s the least
and the most
I could do
for the last year-and-four-and-a-half-months
that you’ve been gone.
 
No songwriting,
no jewelry-making,
no poems or short stories,
no novels or piano,
no schemes or grand ideas...
just Moon images.
 
They were enough,
and almost too much.
 
Marking the time in two-week intervals.
 
Cloistered away
from Covid-19
in my newly inherited house;
the perfect retreat for my grief
to settle in, make itself at home.
 
The Moon has always been reliable;
it waxes and wanes
and doesn’t ask any questions
or make any demands
or seek reasons why...
it just is.
 
The familiar owl
hoots outside my window
at 4:30 AM,
ushering the full Moon’s rise
again.
 
You died on a full Moon;
I sat next to you under its spotlight,
alone.
 
I feel the Moon ties us together,
but that could just be
the mute poet in me, searching for meaning
in the natural
ebbs-and-flows.
 
Regardless,
the Moon rises
gracefully,
effortlessly,
purposefully,
without explanation.
 
Ensconced in a black cloak,
fully supported.
 
Finally,
naturally,
I break my self-imposed silence.

Thursday, April 14, 2022

Omicron Cyber Monday!


Omicron Cyber Monday!
 
The Omicron variant is spreading fast!
 
Don’t wait — get your Cyber Monday deals while you still can!
 
Hurry — before the economy collapses, or before you die!
 
Get great deals on clothing, electronics, beauty products, self-help courses, vacuum cleaners — before Omicron
sucks the life right out of you!
 
Don’t delay; time is running out!
 
It’s later than you think...much, much later.
 
Buy now, while deals last, and you’re still alive!
 
Don’t get left behind like Travel-banned countries!
 

Act now, before Omicron comes for you! 

Wednesday, April 13, 2022

Witching Hour


The night is shattered into pieces
by Mocking Birds
and sirens,
daemons past and future.
 
My tinnitus rings in the same key as the crickets
warbled song.
 
3:00 AM: so many sounds competing for my attention
behind closed eyes.
 
The Witching Hour.
 
It’s both too late and too early.
 
The dead of night is bustling,
like the inside of my head.
 
Dancing rapid-fire
in black petticoats;
Whiling Dervishes.
 
Noises and thoughts bleed into one another
while slowly dying down,
painstakingly
transforming into a weighted blanket
flattening and blacking everything out.

Friday, April 8, 2022

Why Are There so Many 'Life Coaches'?

Why
are there so many “Life Coaches”?
Scrambling over each other like crabs in a pot.
 
How
can your Botoxed lips inform my life?
 
I want to look away, but it’s nearly impossible;
transfixed by your train wreck.
 
You’re always here,
creeping around corners and sticking your head where it doesn’t belong.
 
You didn’t even go to an accredited university;
licensed from the back pages of a New Age Magazine.
 
Cry yourself to sleep — just leave me alone!
 
I have an actual therapist with a PhD,
and I don’t want to buy any of your crap “Masterclass” courses
even at discounted rates.
 
Get a real job!
 
Or be a legitimate out-of-work artist.
 
Just stop claiming that you can “fix” my life
when you obviously know nothing about anything.
 
Stop senselessly backflipping.
I almost feel sorry for you,
until I remember who you are:
 
Charlatan-huckster.
Grifting off other people’s pain.
 
Vampire-Zombies
in hoards, en masse.
 
Fix yourselves!

Thursday, April 7, 2022

The Infinite Sadness of the World


The infinite sadness of the world fills me with a warm glow;
an enormous fire inside me
surrounded by snow.
 
The flames don’t leap out — I’m a self-contained oven,
like all the other ovens,
minding their own hot coals.
 
The snow feels thick,
like marshmallows,
heavy damp clouds,
hugging in the warmth,
buffering the edges,
maintaining and containing.
 
The dichotomy of this hotness/coldness
creates its own atmosphere,
something neither hot or cold,
encompassing all the feelings,
beyond feeling.
 
Feeling everything at once,
feeling loses its meaning,
like freezing to death while going up in flames simultaneously.

Tuesday, April 5, 2022

You are a Ghost Somewhere



You were so beautiful...
until you lost your mind and fucked-up your face forever,
when there was nothing wrong with it in the first place.
 
You were always a nervous wreck,
vibrating and gyrating at such a high pitch
only certain animals could hear it.
 
All the men were too dumb for you,
dragging their knuckles on the pavement while their tongues lolled out;
you loved them this way,
but only obsessed over the highly critical ones,
the ones you could never please.
 
I was invisible beside you,
quiet and observing,
equally mesmerized by your beauty and power,
your wit and intelligence
and your tendency to jump into the deep end dragging everyone with you.
 
The first day I met you,
you climbed a ladder on the side of a Los Angeles building
wearing pink high heels while balancing a cocktail in one hand — be still, my heart!
 
I was just as stricken as those dumb apes
(including my boyfriend)
by your charms.
When I found out you could make me laugh,
there was no turning back.
 
You inspired me to think Big
and burst at my own seams with the wholeness of me.
 
But when you lost your face,
you lost everything.
Not because you were no longer beautiful,
but because your heart dried up like a raisin
inside an empty husk.
 
Everything vanished
when the appeal of your own selfies disappeared,
because your image was the core
upon which everything was based.
 
What was the point of doing anything,
since your own reflection no longer inspired you
but endlessly disappointed you from here to eternity?
 
You still had your words
but they stopped.
You still had your art
but it stopped.
You still had your songs
but you stopped.
 
Everything died with your new unimproved face.
 
My dreams grew bigger and more pronounced
consistently unaffected by my own face,
accustomed to being ancillary.
 
You are a ghost somewhere,
though still alive,
tormented by vanity and regret,
the only things ever capable of silencing you.
 
I forge on,
not as beautiful...never as beautiful,
but mostly complete.


Sunday, April 4, 2021

Miss Linda's Humanities MA Philosophy Paper on Consciousness and Lucid Dreaming: "A Dream within a Dream"

 
     I begin this essay with an example of my own lucid dreaming experience to reveal how magical and exciting it can be; literally anything you can think of, you can do in your dreams, and with a little practice and conscious awareness, you can get better and better at accomplishing this. I have included scientific facts and figures in this essay also, but want to start with my own experience first, as the main reason I chose to study this subject further for HUMA 520, Self: Body and Mind, is that I have experienced the thrill of lucid dreaming first hand and wanted to dive into the subject deeper. To clarify, lucid dreaming is the awareness of being in a dream; the conscious awareness of being in a dream while asleep, or as Stephen LaBerge (one of the founders of lucid dreaming research) puts it: “Knowing that you’re dreaming while continuing to dream” (Konkoly, 1:08).

     My recurring lucid dream: I wake up. I look toward my nightstand next to me and see the digital clock that I don’t have there flashing “12:00”…I realize immediately that I’m dreaming, and that I’m aware I’m dreaming. This is called a lucid dream “marker”. Another marker: I wake up. I attempt to turn on my bedside lamp. I turn the switch, but the light does not go on. My heart begins to race…I know I’m dreaming. Just to make sure, I get up out of bed and go into the bathroom where I try the light switch there: no light ensues. This is another marker, my affirmation that it’s time to start flying while I can, while I have the chance. Why waste time on anything else? I start to flap my arms like a giant bird, and begin to levitate off the floor. I rise and then fly around my bedroom for practice, testing my “wings”, then approach my balcony and take a leap of faith, literally, into the star-filled night sky, and soar and spin and glide until I ultimately scare myself into waking up, for real this time, back into the mundane physical world where a non-illuminated light bulb is just burned-out, and is not a marker or symbol of anything. I find myself curled-up quietly, in the same position I fell asleep in.
     Markers were also used in the 2019 lucid dreaming study at Northwestern University. Unbeknownst to their research team at the time, three other similar studies were underway in France, the Netherlands, and Germany (with thirty-six participants total); they all reached the same conclusion, independently – a lucid dreamer could be engaged in two-way communication during the REM, Rapid Eye Movement, sleep stage (90% of all lucid dreaming happens in this sleep phase, which occurs mostly near the end of the sleep cycle), and could be influenced by external stimuli to affect the environment inside their dreams. These Neuroscientists’ findings were published in the journal, Current Biology.
     These teams of lucid dream researchers connected to the dreaming participants by asking them direct, simple questions, then asking them to respond with eye movement to the left or the right for a yes or no answer. They were also able to solve simple mathematical problems, such as “What is eight minus six?” by moving their eyes to indicate their answers. When the participants woke up, they were asked how the “outside” voices came through to them within their dreams, and they said via various sources, such as a radio, television, or video game in the dream. The researchers also used flashing lights, such as strobe lights, in the laboratory, and the dreamers reported seeing flashing lights in their dreams, corresponding to these flashing lights in the external laboratory world. Other sounds besides vocal questions were made also, which the dreamers reported hearing upon waking up. These lucid dreaming studies bridge the gap between the conscious and subconsciousness mind.
     Now you may be intrigued enough to wonder what you can do to achieve a lucid dream state yourself. Dr. Achilleas Pavlou, a lucid dream researcher, has some tips: he says the more you lucid dream, the easier it gets to reach that state, so with a little patience (or a lot of patience, in my own humble experience) and repeated practice, you will find it’s like any other skill you want to learn…it will come to be easier and feel more natural with time.
     Pavlou also states that creative thinking in general lends itself to lucid dreaming, so thinking creatively or “outside of the box” thinking can enhance not only your waking hours, but your dream-time too. Resorting to creative alternatives in your conscious, waking state seems to bleed over into your subconscious dreaming state. I personally found that when I took more risks in my lucid dreaming state, that bled over into my conscious state, and gave me more confidence in taking risks and chances in “the real world”.
     There are also apps available to guide you into a lucid dreaming state; one was created by Neuroscientist Ken Paller of Northwestern University called “Lucid”. Once the app is activated, it plays sounds six hours after being set. Studies have shown that it has induced lucid dreaming in 40% of its users. I have been experimenting on my own, and setting my snooze alarm as I wake up and drift back to sleep; I’ve found that I do start dreaming again, but so far no lucid dreams have appeared for me this way, which are very different from regular dreams.
     Another easy method toward lucid dreaming is keeping track of your dreams in a dream journal. It’s best to write down your dreams as soon as you can upon waking, and describe not only all of the details you can remember, but also the feelings you experienced inside the dream. The more your conscious mind becomes aware of what just happened in the subconscious dream world, the more those two parts of the brain feel more easily joined (from what I’ve experienced). You could write your dreams by hand on paper, type them up, or record them into a recording device…the most important thing is being consistent in this practice. And, if nothing else, you will gain more insight into your own subconscious mind, which is a plus in and of itself.
     Another easy method for becoming more aware in your dreams is to tell yourself throughout the day, “The next time I am dreaming, I will remember to realize that I am dreaming” (Konkoly, 4:21). Tell yourself this repeatedly throughout your waking hours, and while you’re in bed before you go to sleep at night. Let your conscious mind know to remain vigilant, even while it’s “asleep”. Another technique that is similar is to remember the last dream you had while falling back asleep…remember every detail, and try to recreate the previous dream with a conscious awareness of it, and what you would like to enact in it the next time; this is called the Mnemonic Induction Technique.
     In addition to exploring extreme adventures through lucid dreaming, it has other benefits as well, the main one being that it could provide insight into how consciousness itself is formed (as these studies are relatively new, much more research will need to be done to delve deeper into this dense subject). In a more practical way, it could be utilized as a treatment for chronic nightmares and Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome (PTSD) by having the dreamer face his or her fears within the dreamworld, thereby hopefully eliminating them both in the conscious and subconscious realms. Another practical benefit would be to use lucid dreaming time as a way to practice or rehearse motor skills; many musicians, dancers, and athletes have used their dream time as a way to hone their waking skills while asleep, and many have discovered solutions to their “problem” while dreaming the answer.
     The greatest benefit (to me) is that lucid dreaming helps us to develop more compassion:
We feel an ego separation in the waking world, between who we are and the world going on around us. This is an ego-based perspective. When you’re dreaming, you have more of a situation-based perspective, where everything in your dream is created by your mind; everything is connected, rather than separate. This situation-based experience enables you to experience things from another’s perspective, and make the best choices for each given situation, rather than reacting from an ego perspective. This gives you more compassion in your daily life. (Konkoly, 9:37)
Having more compassion in our daily lives means that we treat not only others, but ourselves with more kindness, understanding, and generosity, making the “real world” a much better place to reside in.
     So, let’s say you find yourself inside a lucid dream…now what? You could perform a “Reality Test” as I did in my lucid dream, where I turned on light switches that did not produce light, leading you to realize that you’re dreaming. Dr. Konkoly says that she wears a certain bracelet every day, so in her dreams she checks to see if it is on her wrist – if it’s not, she knows she’s dreaming. You can work toward recognizing these “markers” or symbols in your dreams (everyone’s symbols will be different), then work toward gaining control of your actions and environment within the dream. For me, personally, when I first started lucid dreaming I would notice a marker, realize I was dreaming and then scare myself awake. Being “aware” within your dream takes some courage, as at first it can feel a little scary and unfamiliar. Just like in the “real world” anything can happen in your dreams…and even more unpredictable and bizarre things can happen while dreaming, so courage and perseverance is definitely helpful.
     Speaking from my own experience, my lucid dreaming has been happening over decades of my lifetime, and is always random and unplanned. Even though I have listed several techniques to “get you there”, lucid dreaming has always caught me by surprise, when I was busy and preoccupied with other things. What has remained constant for me are my “markers” and my great sense of wonder at the adventure presented before me, as some kind of gift…from my conscious or subconscious mind, or the two of them, intertwined. Being able to fly like a giant bird is a beautiful gift, indeed, no matter how it’s created. Science is just now beginning to scratch the surface of what consciousness is – most probably in the future scientists will focus even more intently on the personal experiences of their subjects to discover what individual, subjective consciousness really is, and what that will mean for all of us in the future.
 
 
 Works Cited
 
Graves, Dante. “Communicating with a Dreaming Person is Possible”. NOVA/PBS, February 2, 2021. https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/article/lucid-dreaming-communication/
 
Konkoly, Karen. “This Could be a Dream”. TEDx, Lehigh University, Novermber 13, 2015. https://youtu.be/IpxaPnp0WR0
 
Pavlou, Achilleas. “I’m a Lucid Dream Researcher – Here’s How to Train Your Brain to Do It” The Conversation, June 19, 2019. https://theconversation.com/im-a-lucid-dream-researcher-heres-how-to-train-your-brain-to-do-it-118901
 
Lucid Dreaming Image (Flower Woman): https://www.pinterest.com/pin/100486635416198236/

Tuesday, March 23, 2021

Rancho Tarzanadu: "Miss Linda is Still a Doll"

.    Miss Linda is still a doll…one month and eleven days later…still a doll.

     She wasn’t too clear on the timeline for being a doll, remaining a doll, turning into a doll, or any of it.

     She had been sleeping way too much…she could escape in her dreams and get lost in them, which was comforting, yet also odd since that is when she transformed into a doll in the first place. Waking up was the difficult part (and she certainly didn’t mean this in a Right-wing conspiracy-theory sort of way, but in a literal, physical way). The sun kept unrelentingly rising, and she was arduously slow to rise. Thank God(s) for her Pandemic Relief money and Government Cheese, because she wasn’t sure how to properly function in the “real” world anymore, which was now more virtual than ever before.

     Her mother was gone, and she felt a reverberating black hole in the Universe, and now she was a doll. Still a doll.

     She reached out to her sister and a few trusted friends, informing them of her predicament. To her surprise, they were not surprised, but empathetic to her condition, and offered their emotional, virtual support.

     She had somehow managed to finish a group presentation in her Philosophy class on “Consciousness”, which was extra ironic, considering her situation. She had been participating in all her Zoom classroom meetings with her camera turned off, so no one there was the wiser (at least that she was aware of).

     Her philosophy professor kept advocating for the sound reasoning of Science, and that someday artificial intelligence would be able to feel, the same way that humans do. She kept arguing that it would not be possible, because human emotion is so complicated…how could a robot ever even begin to understand the complexities of human emotion? She could think of a handful of ex-boyfriends who never came close to mastering this. She also felt that being a doll was an intermediary step in the wrong direction for her philosophical argument. She made an oversized White Russian (which was harder than it sounds, but worth the effort) and contemplated this. She was confused. She was the first to admit this. Somehow, she faked her way to a 4.0 grade point average, and got a grant from the school board for the Spring semester. If they only knew they were giving it…to a doll.

     She contacted her friend, Sister Eartha, a PhD in Women’s Spirituality, seeking counsel. They had known each other since 1980, and had been through a lot together. Probably too much, to be honest. They didn’t even need words to communicate with each other, but only telepathy. They had been refining this technique for decades, even through their “rough patches”. Actually, enhanced through their rough patches.

     One good piece of news: Manuel would be returning home to Rancho Tarzanadu from Guantanamo Bay, due to COVID-19 (to prevent further outbreaks there). He had been gone for four years and twenty-two days. Miss Linda wondered how he would react to the fact that she was now a doll. It had gotten a little dicey with exerting her authority around Rancho Tarzanadu…it’s hard to be taken seriously as a doll, let’s be honest. She had to overreach to make any sort of impression at all, and then called out for that, and it was frankly emotionally exhausting. She was only human, after all. She was only human…now she was just uncertain. Of everything.