The Ouija Guide to Getting Everything You Want

'The Ouija Guide to Getting Everything You Want' is a mysterious little tome written by an anonymous woman sometime in the mid sixties. It seems as though it was initially a journal or diary that later became posthumously published, although it was a very small run; something like ten copies, probably published by a family member. It's possible that the author herself could have published these before her untimely death, maybe to give as gifts to only her closest friends.

The book itself is a small-ish paperback, deep purple in color, with red lettering on the front cover. There is a grainy portrait of the author, leaning against a wall and smoking a cigarette. She has short black hair, cropped in a pointed style, and large round black sunglasses. She is lithe and wearing a minidress with one large sunflower on it, and low-heeled pumps. Personally, I'm not sure if this woman could help me get 'everything I want', but I try to keep an open mind. Somehow the book ended up in my hands, which must count for something, somewhere.

There is no reference to 'Ouija boards' anywhere in the book, so how she came up with the title I will never know. Unless, possibly, I can contact her from beyond the grave through the use of an actual Ouija board. Maybe she used that word specifically so her readers could contact her if they had any questions, after she was gone. There is an undeniable mystical quality to her book, though it's hard to put my finger on. It draws me back to it again and again, and I have become intrigued with its author, almost to the point of obsession, which is somewhat embarrassing to admit. It's something I don't fully understand myself.

Her main philosophy revolves around shoes. The right shoe, she advocates, can change your entire life. This is especially important, she goes on, in the workplace. The wrong shoe can be your downfall; physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, and even affect you on a cellular level, changing the outcome of your destiny in the world as we know it. Oddly enough, the shoe she recommends is a not altogether comfortable shoe, but a raised, low-heeled pump. Not the sexy kind, but with a matronly 1-1/2" heel, and the shoe is beige in color. Not even beige, but kind of a baby puke light-brownish pink color. She advocates the use of this shoe, worn on a daily basis (no matter the event or social occasion) and only removed a few moments before falling asleep, will dramatically change a person's life (women and men) for the better. Not just for the better, but you will realize your fullest potential as a human being, and live a life of splendor, true harmony and bliss.

She goes on to describe physical sensations, bodily secretions, emotional breakthroughs, and out-of-body experiences all achieved while wearing this style of shoe that she designed herself in the late 1950's. She does not specify how many of these shoes were made, or if there were different styles or color choices, but apparently very few were produced and the few that were, were made up in her size only (size 6). She has a diagram at the very back of the book, a black and white sketch drawing of the particulars and the materials needed to build your own pair. There are three drawings, and they vary slightly in heel height, but her notes specify the 1-1/2" heel is the one to be used.

I have recently acquired the materials to build my own pair (her liner notes forbid her readers from taking her patterns to any shoe manufacturer or even a local shoe-smith), but I have not yet started the building process. Once this is completed, I will be taking daily notes and jotting down any changes that may occur in my lifestyle. My expectations are low, but I'm secretly hoping for great things. Since the shoes are so utilitarian, bland, and unattractive, it makes logical sense that they could possess an other-worldly power, which would be hidden in their mundane appearance. At least, I would hope so.